Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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