Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
