the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He better not be in your backpack
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
