Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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