She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
