I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
