DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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