I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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