the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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