I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
