You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
whose parrot is this?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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