I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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