So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
