You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
