My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
