Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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