I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
