They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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