I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
