Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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