he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize