The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
