The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have demons in me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
