We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i think i just lost a toe
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize