Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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