The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
