great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
