I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
