It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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