i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
