Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
