I just saw a hot homeless man
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
