Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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