i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
