Your tits are I can't wait for
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
