dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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