one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
