new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
