You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
