just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
