I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
