I hate your face
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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