Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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