I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
