So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
