Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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