is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
