i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
