mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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