Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
