swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
