We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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