peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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