I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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