Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
