At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
