You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There r osticjed everywhere
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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