I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
