I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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