The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
