He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
