Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
