My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
