I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize