i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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