Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
