my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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