STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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