Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
