just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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