I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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