I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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