Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
ok first of all what the fuck
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
