Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
